More precious than gold that perishes...

1 Peter 1:3-7

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

I’m sorry it’s been so long since writing a blog.  The last month has been an intense time with the Lord.  I’m going to be vulnerable… it was one of the most painful works the Lord has ever done in my life.  But that’s only because when it’s something so deeply rooted in identity, the Lord wants to be supreme.  

The road to clean out the insecurities in my life started with deliverance almost 2 months ago, and since then, the Lord has been weeding out the remains in my heart.  Last month, before we left for Israel, the Lord showed me that though I loved Him, I had built a wall around my heart to protect myself.  This wall was directed toward others, because I was afraid of getting hurt, but it also kept Him out.  He asked for my permission to take down the wall.  How can we refuse the one we love?  Of course I said yes.

If I had know what would follow, I might not have said yes...  A month of confronting my intense insecurities followed.  I was plagued by comparison, constantly seeing how I lacked when measured up against the value in others.  Lying voices filled my mind.  And pride overwhelmed me, tempting me to turn inwards, focusing on my own misery.  But through it all, the loving voice of my Abba was telling me "just trust me, I will walk you through this."

I cried out to God for deliverance... protesting at the unfairness of this.  How could He make me go through over a month of this?  Where was His love for me?  But the answer was to be found in the above verse from I Peter 1...  "the tested genuineness of your faith -- more precious than gold that perishes..."  The Lord is refining me.  He is burning away what is impure, and what is left is a little bit more of the image of Yeshua.  I'm meant to be a reflection of His glory, how can I do that with tarnished glass.  

But thank God, this week was a breakthrough week... The Lord ordained this time for His glory and my continued journey into freedom.  Here is what happened.

Worship started yesterday morning with nothing I did special, just a hunger for more of God.  So, after just a few songs, our worship leader started singing a song about the love of God going on and on and on and on… And I started thinking about eternity.  Right at that moment, she said that God has put eternity in our hearts.  For the last 20 years or so, I have been so freaked out by the thought of eternity, to the point where every time I think of it, I had a panic attack.  But at that moment, I gave my fear to the Lord, and repented for it and for avoiding accepting eternity…knowing that this is an aspect of God… a part of my precious Abba that I’ve avoided.  And I felt Him healing this fear.

During this prayer, I went to my knees… But shortly thereafter, one of our elder leaders came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me.  He grabbed my R.A., so I was like “uh oh…”  I’ve been hoping and praying for my deliverance time, but dreading it all the same.  Then he said to me that there was an invitation on offer for me today.  He said that God wanted me to take off my “less then” spectacles, and put on my "more than" spectacles.  To stop seeing the world as if I am less than everyone else.  I am not the smallest person, from the smallest tribe, from the smallest nation.  I am more than a conqueror.  I am beautiful… because I have the beautiful light of God inside of me.  The Lord has great things in store for me.  It’s time to believe this.  This broke me, and I began sobbing.

After that, both my RA and another staff member continued praying for me.  One of them said that she got a picture of the Lord’s work during these 2 years.  He’s been flooding the walls around my heart with His love and cracking them.  Now He wants to bring them down, but not just leave me empty, to fill me up with His love.  

I felt God’s Spirit go deeper.  I felt like He was digging out all those deep emotions I’ve buried for years.  The ladies kept praying for me.  I really feel like God was doing another deep deliverance.  A deep guttural cry came from deep within me.  Memories from the last 20 or more years, of rejection, flashed in my memory.  And I just felt like God said that these were not meant for me to hold.  Then I felt in my heart, that God wants me to be a woman of confidence.  Not chained to insecurity, but walking in the love He has given me, exactly who He made me to be. 

God, thank you for your deep work in my heart.  I love you Abba!  I feel so different.  So honored that I even though I am a weak vessel, He chose me to be a container of His glory.  He desires me, He loves me.  And I am so overwhelmed with love for Him!

My Israel Experience!

My heart was overflowing as I stood up to testify of the Lord’s love.  I couldn’t believe how lucky I was that my Messiah had once again shown me His heart for me and I was bursting to share His heart with the young people in the room.  Our group was ending our first week in Israel, a time teachings and connecting with the Messianic community of Revive Israel.  This group, lead by Asher Intrater, is based out of Yad Hashmona in the expansive and lush Judean hills.  On this particular evening we were hosting a worship time, and Revive invited local young people from around Jerusalem.

There had already been so much I’d experienced in those short first days—a Messianic Bar Mitzvah at the wall; heady instruction; fellowship with our brothers and sisters…and I was looking forward to 3 more weeks of intense outreach.  The previous day, I began feeling the pressure.  I don’t know if it was the intense spiritual atmosphere, the busy schedule, or my own heightened emotions from being in the land, but there was a crack in my wall.  I was depending on my own strength to get me through, and I could no longer do it.  I wanted to minister to and love those God put in my path, but I was running on empty.  By the time worship started on this Thursday evening, I cried out to Yeshua in my agonizing need for Him.

We serve an amazing God.  When we are at our lowest, He takes us in His arms and shows us that He doesn’t just fill up our weaknesses…He also loves us completely in them.  By the time the second or third song of the night was playing, I was having one of the most intimate encounters of God’s love for me and tears of gratitude and awe poured onto my face.

The worship leader, a woman of deep prophetic anointing, called me to her.  She saw the Holy Spirit all over me and she wanted me to share what God was doing in my heart.  There was no nervousness as I stood before all those strangers.  All I could feel was the overpowering love of my Messiah.  I shared about the reality of the love of God in my life, and I told them how His love has been transforming me into a woman of confidence.  I invited them to experience the love of God this night.

As I returned to my spot in the worship room, a young woman grabbed my hand, tears in her eyes.  She was so desperate to experience the love of God, and she was so broken.  This woman is like so many in my generation, desperate for love.  I prayed for her, and I know that God began touching her deep woundedness.  God is so good.  What began as a night where I felt completely defeated was turned into an amazing opportunity to minister to a broken hearted woman. 

In those weeks in Israel, God opened up so many opportunities.  It seems like every place I visited I was able to share the love of my Messiah with someone:  a Messianic single mother; a Russian-Christian struggling with living her life fully for God; an Arab-Christian desiring to go into ministry; a young teen desperate for affection; a woman tragically widowed by terror.  The most impactful of these ministry opportunities came at Or Ha Carmel, a woman’s shelter for refugees escaping war and desperate circumstances in Africa.  This place is full of women and children desperate for affection.  We were encountered with young people who had seen horrors that I can’t even imagine, and we were given one task – serve them.  For 3 to 4 hours, we served the ministry in practical service, and then for another 3 to 5 hours we played with the children.  Though exhausted and spent in almost every way, emotionally and physically, I have never had such a deep and satisfying sense of being God’s hands as that week.  Those children, so full of energy and mischief, stole my heart.  By the time we said our goodbyes, my heart broke to stay with them.  It was a life defining time.

My time in Israel was stretching in so many ways, and I can feel God chipping away at the old me, making more room for His Spirit.  Though painful I sense He’s preparing me for outreach in Germany, France and Italy.  My prayer is that by the time we leave in mid-May, it is Yeshua’s voice that they hear in mine…that it is Yeshua’s face that they see in mine.  Our class is not yet fully funded for our time abroad, and the deadline for funds is April 18 (my birthday J).  Europe is considered to be dead to the Spirit of God.  My experience of miracles and evangelism in the Netherlands, Belgium, France and Switzerland last year proved this to be completely false.  God’s Spirit is being planted deep in the hardest soil and the hardest hearts.  I am so honored to once again be a sower of the seed.  Please pray about supporting our group financially, and about preparing our road with your intercession.  God Bless you my dear friends and family, and may His face shine on your lives with His intense love today.

In the loving arms of her Yeshua,

Bekah Mulford

P.S.  There are more people coming to faith in Africa and China than in Europe, please pray that the ancient seeds of Faith start springing forth in these nations that once claimed to be Christian.

P.P.S.  If you would like to check out some more of our experiences check out the Gateways School blog at www.gatewaysbeyond.org/gts2011/