Crossing the Threshold

I am now home from Geneva, and have so much to share about the next step of God's path for my life.  But this is what God has put on my heart today.  I will be sure to update you all very soon on everything else.

Crossing the Threshold

John 10:10

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (NKJ)

“A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.” (Message)

I always knew there was more…

Growing up, I had this sense about God… that there was more.  More than I was experiencing in my walk with Him.  And I felt guilty.  Because I knew that I must be doing something wrong. 

And sometimes during worship, I felt this warmth.  My soul thirsted after God.  It kept me going after Him, because I found peace and love whenever those moments came.

Sometimes I would hear sermons, and I just knew that the message was for me.  It didn’t matter if the room was full of people.  The pastor/rabbi/teacher would ask people to come forward, and I would feel this hesitation and at the same time an excitement.  God was asking me to come forward to choose Him now.

God chose me, but just as importantly, I chose Him...

Whenever I remember a choice going before a group of believers, I made that choice for Him.  Every salvation message that pierced me.  Every call for missions or evangelism.  My heart has been seeking the lover of my soul all my life.

But what I didn’t know…

                With God there is always more…

                He came to give us MORE and BETTER LIFE! 

The enemy is the one who wants to squash.  He wants to squash our personality, keep us in sin, and eventually kill us.

Yeshua came for eternal and resurrection life…ongoing and renewing.

The Well

One day during worship, one moment I was just singing praise to the Lord and the next I had a picture of a well.  I knew in my spirit, that this well was the Abundant Life of God offered to everyone.  And just as I saw this abundant life, I knew that so many people are needy, desperate for love and life, and never find the source.  And my heart broke.  I wept, tears so profuse that they soaked the front of my shirt. 

My leader approached me and asked what was going on.  I could barely get the words out, my heart was so broken.  Then she said to me, Bekah this well is for you.  It took a moment, but I recognized my own neediness.

I remembered my time dating Ryan.  How desperate I was for his love to fill my void.  I realized that I had been using every relationship-family, friends, boyfriend-to fill that emptiness inside myself. 

Ephesians 3:16-21

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Messiah may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Messiah, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Yeshua Messiah throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

The Jesus Shaped Hole…

I used to tease that old evangelism trick, “each of us has a Jesus shaped hole inside of us.”  But in that moment of revelation, I realized that it was true.  But it wasn't just a hole in me, it was a void-a vast unending cavern.  I was a pit that never could be filled.  But thankfully, I had found the only one who could do “immeasurably MORE” than I could ask or imagine.

                I asked Yeshua to start filling in this void in me, that I’d been scrambling to fill myself.

More and More and More…

Before going to discipleship school, I thought, “ok, get fixed by God then you’ll be able to go out into world missions.”  But I soon realized that I will never be “good enough.”  A walk with God is not about an end product, but about a journey.  Running the race with endurance…not a sprint and exhaustion. More and more the words of Paul are so obviously true about my own nature.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

There is always a new place that God wants to take us.  A new layer of our old self that He wants to strip, replacing rags with His beautiful robes.  But it only comes when we realize, I can’t do it.  It’s only my dependence on my Lovely Jesus that makes it possible.

Today…

Hebrews 3:7-8, 12-13

“So, as the Holy Spirit says: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert…

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.”

This December marks my 3 year anniversary of total surrender to God.  Yes, I wanted God before 3 years ago, but when I surrendered my engagement to Him, it marked a turning point in my life.  I heard Him, I did not harden my heart.  At that moment, He gave me a picture of a wide road filled with adventure and joy…the abundant life!

Since that time I have:  travelled to 9 different nations; made tons of new friends; climbed mountains, including actual rock climbing; swam in waterfalls; seen world wonders; seen natural beauty that could make you weep; I’ve left behind a lot of past insecurity and hurt; received a new heart; I've witnessed to people of many nationalities and shared my testimony; I have prayed and seen people healed and set free; and most importantly, I have heard God speak life and His love over me.

My friends, it is Today.  Hear God’s call.  Follow His voice.  And He will give you an abundant life, more than you could ask or imagine.

When it all gets stripped away…what is left?

Recently, I met with one of my leaders and she challenged to take a new step toward maturity in Messiah.  The Lord has been showing me areas that I have kept and guarded for so long, safeguarding them in my own strength.  I am afraid of being hurt by others.  So, when I feel insecure or perceive a lack of love on their part, I hide.  I don’t open my heart to them, and I don’t allow them to see the real me.  Fear keeps me hidden behind walls that I constructed for myself.  In many ways, I am a very gregarious person.  I long for connection with others, for intimacy, and for deeper levels of friendship that go beyond the shallow levels we allow ourselves to wade in.  So when I hit this wall in my interactions with others, there is always a sense of sadness and loss in my spirit.

I went to my leader to share about my frustration, to unseal what I have been hiding but the Lord has been highlighting.  After listening to my desires and frustrations, she gave me some very practical advice.  Be purposeful in my pursuit for relationships.  My inclination is to hide, to pout, to keep away from others when I am not sure of my standing with them.  But she advised that I take a step toward deeper relationships.  Take time to interact, ask questions, open up and listen to others.  Go for walks, share tea, sit at the table and just be with them. 

So, after talking to her, I did it.  It felt very unnatural and uncomfortable, and my walls inside were crying out, “HIDE!  Don’t let us down!”

But I feel God’s pull.  The closer we get to God, the more He gives us revelation on what His words really mean.  Of course, we can go our entire life and still be surprised by God.  I am so desperately in love with the Lord.  So thirsty for His presence every day.  But God didn’t create us to be alone.  He didn’t just say love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.  But to also love your neighbor as yourself.  He knew we needed each other.  It’s not enough to love God, if I keep hidden from those He loves. 

I feel like a birch tree, as it’s flakey bark is peeled off and all that is left is the pale and vulnerable trunk underneath.  God is doing what He does best, purifying.  I keep asking for more of God, but He can’t give me more of Himself.  When God entered my heart, He gave me the fullness of Himself.  All I can do now, is empty more of myself so that more of Him can dwell in me.  Filling up those places I surrender to Him.

But through the frustration, hope and dependency on God that this trial has produced, it has been impossible to lose sight of the goodness of God.  Every week we’ve had opportunities to explore, serve and minister in the city.  I have gotten to see lives touched by the love of God.  And I have started to learn how to really press in and intercede for a nation and for a city. 

Thank you Father for the hope of more of you.  Thank you Lord for your grace.  Thank you that in my weakness, in my humanness, you are strong.  You bind yourself to me, and in return all I can do is give you more of me. 

Geneva… A city of Reformation

This is now my third visit to Geneva, and the nearby town of Versoix, where the Gateways team has its base.  And each time I’ve come, my love of this richly vibrant and historic city grows.  In past visits, we’ve stayed in little trailers in a nearby town on the French side.  And that is where I was expecting to stay when we arrived.  But I soon learned that I and the three other girls coming back for internship, would be staying in the heart of Geneva.  It takes 5 minutes to walk to the Jet D’Eau, the huge water fountain in Lake Geneva.  And a 10 minute walk takes us to the center of the historic area, a place that has its roots in Medieval times.  Each time I step outside our door, I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God.  Growing up near historic Williamsburg, VA and Jamestown, I have an intense love of things old and historic.  I love stones and bricks that were carved hundreds or thousands of years ago.  I love imagining that I’m stepping back in time, trying to picture the type of people that filled the streets, or the noise and smells that lingered there.  So every Shabbat, the time our leaders give us to rest and recuperate from our busy weekly schedule, my roommates and I have enjoyed exploring this beautiful city.  I love the teal water; the hundreds of ethnicities; the expensive shops; the statues of art and historic figures; the tall buildings, older than some of the oldest buildings in the States; the world powers that are centered here; the many churches and the cathedral; the weeping statue of Jeremiah; the swans swimming in the lake.  I love Geneva.

But this time hasn’t been about falling in love with an amazing city…well not entirely at least.  The internship has been an amazing opportunity to serve, to live in community, to learn, and to worship and intercede.  We have had several opportunities to serve the local body of believers, like ministering to a couple of churches and inviting them to times of worship.  We have also gotten to serve the community, raising funds for a humanitarian aid group and soon to feed the homeless at a local shelter.  And living with the people here, seeing their lives wholeheartedly submitted to God’s will, learning from them, has been so impactful.  Every weekday morning, we join together to pray and intercede, and seeing their heart for this region has shown me what it truly means to intercede for a nation.  Before I came, this is one of things I asked the Lord to grow in me, an intercessory burden.  And lately during worship, the Lord has been increasing my heart for Israel and the Jewish people.  It’s funny that I would have to come to Geneva for my love of Israel to grow.

Today, my friends and I visited the Reformers’ Wall, a monument with statues in honor of great reformers of the faith, most predominately John Calvin.  When we think of Calvin, most people immediately jump to predestination.  But he was a man who loved God, and wanted to see the Bible used practically in daily life.  Studying his life, and how he impacted every facet of society in 16^th century Geneva, compels me to believe that believers can have a greater impact than we give ourselves credit for. 

I feel like the main thing the Lord is teaching me during this time is submission.  Submission to authority that He has placed over me…but mostly submission to His will.  I’m starting to get a glimpse of what it really means to pray, “Not my will, but Your will be done.”  Sometimes it involves living in community and choosing not to get offended or hurt.  Sometimes it means taking a lower road, allowing others to be lifted up.  It often means taking all of my hopes and dreams and laying them at Yeshua’s feet, trusting that He knows what do with them.  And it always means listening everyday for His voice to speak, as Psalm 95 says, “Today if your hear His voice, do not harden your hearts…”  Yes Lord, not my will, but yours be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Much too long since I wrote an update.... Next step, GENEVA!

As I sit at my terminal in the Newark International Airport, nervous excitement builds up in me.  I am jumping into my third stint with Gateways Beyond International... This time, I am no longer a student, but an intern.  Waiting to glean more from our leaders, and reach a deeper place of intimacy with my precious Yeshua.

It seems unreal to me... 2 years ago, I was desperate to move forward with God, but I didn't know how, or what that would look like.  Now, I am overwhelmed by God's goodness that He has poured into my life.

This morning as I carried my check bag out to my mom's car, I realized that it was very VERY heavy.  I knew it was probably more than my 50lb weight allowance, but by how much, I had no clue.  So I lugged it to the airport.  My sister came into town for one day, because she is going to a conference in North Carolina, and she got to drop me at the airport.  Another blessing from my precious Abba.  She asked if I wanted her to stay, to make sure the heavy-laden bag situation didn't blow up in my face.  I said I was ok.  I maybe should have asked her to stay...
I prayed for favor and guidance as I lugged my bag to a busy line.  I prayed as I was told that this was the wrong place.  I prayed as I went up an escalator, then down another escalator.  I prayed as I entered a less busy line.  And I prayed as a man told me my bag was 20lbs overweight and I owed $200.  Then I prayed...and cried. 
I tried to hold in my tears, but I was very upset at the prospect of paying $200 I didn't really have.  The man was so kind though.  He suggested that I buy a duffle and pay the substantially less extra bag fee.  I ran to a store, as he watched my bag for me, and took him up on his idea. 
As I pulled out the heavier items, he saw my devotional and seemed to light up.  He asked me what I was doing in Geneva, and I told him ministry work.  When our business was finished, He blessed me, and told me that it was so good to talk about God with someone.

Even though I did have to pay a fine (something that was no one's fault but my own), I felt like God had lead me to exactly the right person.

So now I leave for my 6 week internship at the Gateways Beyond base in Geneva.  I'm not sure what the Lord has for me next, but it's gonna be WILD, it's gonna be GREAT, it's going to be full of HIM.

Blessings to you all!
Bekah :-)

More precious than gold that perishes...

1 Peter 1:3-7

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

I’m sorry it’s been so long since writing a blog.  The last month has been an intense time with the Lord.  I’m going to be vulnerable… it was one of the most painful works the Lord has ever done in my life.  But that’s only because when it’s something so deeply rooted in identity, the Lord wants to be supreme.  

The road to clean out the insecurities in my life started with deliverance almost 2 months ago, and since then, the Lord has been weeding out the remains in my heart.  Last month, before we left for Israel, the Lord showed me that though I loved Him, I had built a wall around my heart to protect myself.  This wall was directed toward others, because I was afraid of getting hurt, but it also kept Him out.  He asked for my permission to take down the wall.  How can we refuse the one we love?  Of course I said yes.

If I had know what would follow, I might not have said yes...  A month of confronting my intense insecurities followed.  I was plagued by comparison, constantly seeing how I lacked when measured up against the value in others.  Lying voices filled my mind.  And pride overwhelmed me, tempting me to turn inwards, focusing on my own misery.  But through it all, the loving voice of my Abba was telling me "just trust me, I will walk you through this."

I cried out to God for deliverance... protesting at the unfairness of this.  How could He make me go through over a month of this?  Where was His love for me?  But the answer was to be found in the above verse from I Peter 1...  "the tested genuineness of your faith -- more precious than gold that perishes..."  The Lord is refining me.  He is burning away what is impure, and what is left is a little bit more of the image of Yeshua.  I'm meant to be a reflection of His glory, how can I do that with tarnished glass.  

But thank God, this week was a breakthrough week... The Lord ordained this time for His glory and my continued journey into freedom.  Here is what happened.

Worship started yesterday morning with nothing I did special, just a hunger for more of God.  So, after just a few songs, our worship leader started singing a song about the love of God going on and on and on and on… And I started thinking about eternity.  Right at that moment, she said that God has put eternity in our hearts.  For the last 20 years or so, I have been so freaked out by the thought of eternity, to the point where every time I think of it, I had a panic attack.  But at that moment, I gave my fear to the Lord, and repented for it and for avoiding accepting eternity…knowing that this is an aspect of God… a part of my precious Abba that I’ve avoided.  And I felt Him healing this fear.

During this prayer, I went to my knees… But shortly thereafter, one of our elder leaders came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me.  He grabbed my R.A., so I was like “uh oh…”  I’ve been hoping and praying for my deliverance time, but dreading it all the same.  Then he said to me that there was an invitation on offer for me today.  He said that God wanted me to take off my “less then” spectacles, and put on my "more than" spectacles.  To stop seeing the world as if I am less than everyone else.  I am not the smallest person, from the smallest tribe, from the smallest nation.  I am more than a conqueror.  I am beautiful… because I have the beautiful light of God inside of me.  The Lord has great things in store for me.  It’s time to believe this.  This broke me, and I began sobbing.

After that, both my RA and another staff member continued praying for me.  One of them said that she got a picture of the Lord’s work during these 2 years.  He’s been flooding the walls around my heart with His love and cracking them.  Now He wants to bring them down, but not just leave me empty, to fill me up with His love.  

I felt God’s Spirit go deeper.  I felt like He was digging out all those deep emotions I’ve buried for years.  The ladies kept praying for me.  I really feel like God was doing another deep deliverance.  A deep guttural cry came from deep within me.  Memories from the last 20 or more years, of rejection, flashed in my memory.  And I just felt like God said that these were not meant for me to hold.  Then I felt in my heart, that God wants me to be a woman of confidence.  Not chained to insecurity, but walking in the love He has given me, exactly who He made me to be. 

God, thank you for your deep work in my heart.  I love you Abba!  I feel so different.  So honored that I even though I am a weak vessel, He chose me to be a container of His glory.  He desires me, He loves me.  And I am so overwhelmed with love for Him!

My Israel Experience!

My heart was overflowing as I stood up to testify of the Lord’s love.  I couldn’t believe how lucky I was that my Messiah had once again shown me His heart for me and I was bursting to share His heart with the young people in the room.  Our group was ending our first week in Israel, a time teachings and connecting with the Messianic community of Revive Israel.  This group, lead by Asher Intrater, is based out of Yad Hashmona in the expansive and lush Judean hills.  On this particular evening we were hosting a worship time, and Revive invited local young people from around Jerusalem.

There had already been so much I’d experienced in those short first days—a Messianic Bar Mitzvah at the wall; heady instruction; fellowship with our brothers and sisters…and I was looking forward to 3 more weeks of intense outreach.  The previous day, I began feeling the pressure.  I don’t know if it was the intense spiritual atmosphere, the busy schedule, or my own heightened emotions from being in the land, but there was a crack in my wall.  I was depending on my own strength to get me through, and I could no longer do it.  I wanted to minister to and love those God put in my path, but I was running on empty.  By the time worship started on this Thursday evening, I cried out to Yeshua in my agonizing need for Him.

We serve an amazing God.  When we are at our lowest, He takes us in His arms and shows us that He doesn’t just fill up our weaknesses…He also loves us completely in them.  By the time the second or third song of the night was playing, I was having one of the most intimate encounters of God’s love for me and tears of gratitude and awe poured onto my face.

The worship leader, a woman of deep prophetic anointing, called me to her.  She saw the Holy Spirit all over me and she wanted me to share what God was doing in my heart.  There was no nervousness as I stood before all those strangers.  All I could feel was the overpowering love of my Messiah.  I shared about the reality of the love of God in my life, and I told them how His love has been transforming me into a woman of confidence.  I invited them to experience the love of God this night.

As I returned to my spot in the worship room, a young woman grabbed my hand, tears in her eyes.  She was so desperate to experience the love of God, and she was so broken.  This woman is like so many in my generation, desperate for love.  I prayed for her, and I know that God began touching her deep woundedness.  God is so good.  What began as a night where I felt completely defeated was turned into an amazing opportunity to minister to a broken hearted woman. 

In those weeks in Israel, God opened up so many opportunities.  It seems like every place I visited I was able to share the love of my Messiah with someone:  a Messianic single mother; a Russian-Christian struggling with living her life fully for God; an Arab-Christian desiring to go into ministry; a young teen desperate for affection; a woman tragically widowed by terror.  The most impactful of these ministry opportunities came at Or Ha Carmel, a woman’s shelter for refugees escaping war and desperate circumstances in Africa.  This place is full of women and children desperate for affection.  We were encountered with young people who had seen horrors that I can’t even imagine, and we were given one task – serve them.  For 3 to 4 hours, we served the ministry in practical service, and then for another 3 to 5 hours we played with the children.  Though exhausted and spent in almost every way, emotionally and physically, I have never had such a deep and satisfying sense of being God’s hands as that week.  Those children, so full of energy and mischief, stole my heart.  By the time we said our goodbyes, my heart broke to stay with them.  It was a life defining time.

My time in Israel was stretching in so many ways, and I can feel God chipping away at the old me, making more room for His Spirit.  Though painful I sense He’s preparing me for outreach in Germany, France and Italy.  My prayer is that by the time we leave in mid-May, it is Yeshua’s voice that they hear in mine…that it is Yeshua’s face that they see in mine.  Our class is not yet fully funded for our time abroad, and the deadline for funds is April 18 (my birthday J).  Europe is considered to be dead to the Spirit of God.  My experience of miracles and evangelism in the Netherlands, Belgium, France and Switzerland last year proved this to be completely false.  God’s Spirit is being planted deep in the hardest soil and the hardest hearts.  I am so honored to once again be a sower of the seed.  Please pray about supporting our group financially, and about preparing our road with your intercession.  God Bless you my dear friends and family, and may His face shine on your lives with His intense love today.

In the loving arms of her Yeshua,

Bekah Mulford

P.S.  There are more people coming to faith in Africa and China than in Europe, please pray that the ancient seeds of Faith start springing forth in these nations that once claimed to be Christian.

P.P.S.  If you would like to check out some more of our experiences check out the Gateways School blog at www.gatewaysbeyond.org/gts2011/